Theola Kaiser - Big Ma

Written in 1993

While conducting my interviews, I found out some interesting things about my family. They showed me that they cared for Theola Kaiser in words but also made me even more aware by their actions. I felt the things they felt toward Theola Kaiser and why they act the way they do sometimes. This paper will express some of those same feelings and re-live the emotion in motion. Taping my interviewees is a hidden treasure within itself. When you tape someone or posses a written document you have proof that it is so. I can playback my tapes for future papers, to other family members, or to future generations. Big Ma’s life will never end as long as we keep her memory alive within us. It is very important to keep these family values and morals in place. Even though the world is changing rapidly, there will always be a need for family morals, ethics, and values. Without these, in any society, the family will deteriorate. Big Ma’s life can be looked upon as a guide to live our own lives. This guide or righteous way of living should be used by all individuals. The only way our children are going to continue to live in a righteous way is if we let them know about their ancestors and show them the path to heaven.

Theola Williams Kaiser was the eldest of 10 children born to Robert and Elnorah Williams on May 9, 1895. She departed this earth on Monday, February 6, 1995 at the Henry Ford Hospital. Big Ma was the funniest person in the world. She did not try to make you laugh by telling jokes or making funny gestures, it was just her demeanor. At any moment Big Ma could burst out laughing about something she was thinking about and you would have no idea what she was thinking. Then she would tell you about it and have you cracking up also. Humor seems to run in the family because all of us think we are hilarious. Big Ma was an independent individual. When she needed food or a coat for her child she worked and bought the things she needed. Big Ma received help occasionally and took it with open arms but never took advantage of anyone. Those who knew Big Ma in her later years knew that she did not embrace or show much affection. In their eyes Big Ma was at times’ one of the meanest human beings you would ever meet. To others she was the most Gimmie somah dat’ sweet sugar type of person they knew. Outsiders and the younger generation knew the kind, harm, and sweet Big Ma. Maybe she decided to change her ways or just realized that being nice to folks is better that being mean. Big Ma was not the type of person that socialized much apart from the church. She mainly kept to herself and minded her one business. This hurt some members of the family because Big Ma never opened up about her past or did anything special with them when they were younger. Anyone who knew Big Ma knew what she loved to do. If you don’t know this you really did not know Big Ma. She loved to EAT. Eating was like a hobby for Big Ma and yet she never got big or husky as some might say. Big Ma wanted to eat up until the day she left us. Some Kentucky Fried Chicken was smuggled into the hospital for Big Ma because she begged us to get it for her. Her eating habits were handed down to the whole family but specially Dion Thomas Big Ma’s grandchild and myself. We are formally known to the family as human garbage disposals. Big Ma’s appetite was insatiable and I’m proud to say I’m keeping her habits alive.” Big Ma loved to dress in sharp clothing and hats. She was a very stylish person and loved to show of her hats. She also loved to travel. Big Ma traveled as much as she could give her situation. Big Ma was a chameleon in a since. She was able to adapt to any given situation. She may not like her environment but she always dealt with what she was handed. Being able to adapt to her environment she was always willing to learn new things, even in the 90’s. Overall Big Ma was funny, witty, independent, and sometimes very mean. At bit of her is in every one of us.

Big Ma did many special things with her grandchildren. Like most special moments they were not planned because Big Ma was not a stickler for planning any. Dion and Shaunda, Big Ma’s great-grandchild, can remember the walking with Big Ma to the store. She would always get them some donuts or something to snack on when they went to the store. Other members remember sleeping with Big Ma, or just talking to her. Big Ma was always willing to talk to you whether you were as old as her or still in kindergarten. Dion said Big Ma’s conversation was her biggest asset for him. Big Ma’s deep conversation helped open a lot of doors that he thought was shut as far as his place in the family. Dion thought of himself as the black sheep by his mother. Big Ma always reassured him that he was not the root of the problem but he was just catching the heat. The talks they had set Dion back on the right path. Also the talks he had with his sister Sanita helped through the tough times.

Big Ma lived a long life and through the years many people have learned many things from her. Big Ma taught Helen, her only child, to be independent and to be mindful of the things that are most important to you. She would always say put them in their proper perspective and things would come out right. Helen tries to imbue that which she has learned into her children and grandchildren. Big Ma told me once to take care of my responsibilities because it will make a good man out of me. These and many more lessons have been taught to numerous people. Big Ma’s teachings will continue to help people if we who have learned many things from her pass them on to our children and others.

Big Ma had lots of little sayings and did many of things that cracks the whole family at times. Big Ma loved when Helen used to cook biscuits and salmon every Friday. The children would look forward to this every week. Big Ma would come home from working a long day at Ditrich’s Furs and come in the kitchen to fix her some biscuits like Helen. Only Big Ma’s biscuits would not be as good as Helen’s. Helen’s biscuits would be soft, buttery, and smooth. Big Ma’s biscuits would be hard and dry. So Big Ma would switch her biscuits with Helen’s biscuits. She would eat some of Helen’s biscuits and put hers in Helen’s pan. She thought that Helen’s kids would not know the difference but they complained about it. Helen said the kids would come and tell her mama, Big Ma den’ switched dem biscuits again.” Big Ma would act as if she did not know what you were talking about it you asked if she had done such a crime. She looked at you as if you were crazy or something.

Big Ma used to also hide things she thought had some kind of value to her. She did not want anyone else to have what she possessed so she would hide them and keep it to herself . As she got older she would forget wear she put her goodies and ponders over it for days. When we saw Big Ma looking for something we knew she could not find one of her valuable items but she would not tell us what it is. For all she knew we might want to steal her CHICKEN. Food was basically what she would hide. Big Ma also inspired Dion to workout. Dion is known to Big Ma as the “Great Dane” child because he is the biggest and strongest in the family. Big Ma was very strong herself and hated men with pot bellies. She would say ‘Whoa, look at dat stomach.’ Dion you bet not ever let me catch you wit yo gut hanging out like dat. Whoa, I cannot stand a man wit a gut hanging down to his feet.

When Big Ma died most of the family members took her death well but for some it took awhile to grasp the idea that she was gone. Dion and Shaunda in my opinion took her passing the worst. I will refrain from using any deep emotional comments towards the death of my Big Ma because it is confidential to me. Big Ma is in a better place now and that is the main point that needs to be made. This is God’s will and Big Ma is no longer suffering from the ways of the world. All the family members remember the good times they had with Big Ma and even the bad. Her death is not discouraging but an inspiration to all to strive to be the best you can be in her eyes.

A lot of family members have flashbacks of Big Ma or see her in a quiet place at times and remember her. This constant remembrance of Big Ma is essential to the future of our family. Hence, things that Big Ma has passed on to us must be taught to the younger members of the family. The story that were told by Big Ma has to be told over and over again to keep her memory, values, and spirit alive. While conducting the interviews for this paper I realized that I was getting different responses about Big Ma that depicted the different age range of people I had. I formulated four different categories for my family members that were observed. All interviewees ranging from the ages of 30 and up spoke of how Big Ma was sometimes mean and did not embrace as much as they wanted. They dealt with Big Ma’s death a lot better than the younger members. These 30+ people also had some of the deepest feelings for Big Ma but did not want to show it as much as the middle-aged group. This middle-aged group ranged from 20-30 years of age. This group basically spoke of the many special moments they experienced with Big Ma. They spoke of how funny and witty she was. The middle-aged group took Big Ma’s death the hard and it shocked them when see passed even though she was 99 years of age and in the hospital. This group had the most to say during the interview and made every response as detailed as possible. Both the 30+ group and the middle-aged group felt very close to Big Ma but there are still many differences in the two. Then there is the teenagers’ group who knew Big Ma and loved her much but did not feel that special bond with her. They saw Big Ma on holidays and basically just a hug a kiss is what we remember. There are numerous little things that we will always remember about Big Ma. Like her sayings and some of the things she used to do. Even some of the stories we heard but nothing major to connect that special bond. The teenagers’ comments were short and to the point. On many occasions they could not respond to a given question because that part in their relationship with Big Ma did not exist. The teenagers are not trying to keep them selves distant from Big Ma on purpose that’s just the way things went. Their love for Big Ma is family love. I love her because she is my Big Ma and I respect her not because of all the wonderful times we had together. Most of this last group of people was not even interviewed because they would not have given me the information I needed at the time. They are the youngest group and yet still possessed that love and respect for Big Ma. This group of youngsters knew of Big Ma but never really got a chance to get to know her. The age gap is clear and read easily. We must work hard to tighten up the gap and keep our youngsters informed of the past. Well back in the old days’ things were easier, that’s because someone was there to tell you that old folk tale or teach you good values and morals. We must enforce the laws we teach, inform others of what we are trying to accomplish and go back to community growth and development. I am not saying stay in the past and forgot the future. I do not want to leave behind the necessities of life.

Hence, walk upon your ancestors back to make it to the top. Then help someone else to get where you are. When you pass on that legacy your back will now be someone else’s stepping stone. Never stop the cycle!