Reflections from Leadership Dynamics - Syracuse University

I wrote the following piece on Saturday morning, August 25, 2007. It was the first day after completing a course on Leadership Dynamics. I’ve noticed that after reading it a second time, there were a lot of spelling mistakes and grammer problems with the piece, but it truly showed my learnings from the course. I was drained, even while writing the piece. Now after having experienced the course and made changes in my life from it, I’d like to share it. Learning something new that changes your perspective on the world is something to behold.

During the course…

A Glimpse into Day 1

It felt uneasy not knowing what was going on. I was chosen as a member of Group 3 from a random draw. Both Group 1 and 2 conducted their assignments in an inner circle format and with the outsiders looking in on them observing behavior. When it was our turn to perform our assignment I was even more uneasy, as our assignment was different from the first two groups. During the first two sessions I gave feedback actively knowing that those same individuals would be providing feedback on our group. I felt myself holding back on negative comments and leaning more toward the positive. Surprisingly our group didn’t have much conflict or dissention. During the end of the session that day it felt as if the first two groups thought that we didn’t talk about any deep issues, which resulted in our group having no conflict. We shared various topics as well that day and did introductions to understand each other. I was surprised how open we became with each other in such a short amount of time. We still held a lot back on the first day. We spoke about things that we didn’t want to discuss. One of those things was our salary. Others topics included politics, sex, religion the most common. After mentioning the unspeakable though, we began to talk about them. We also expressed concern about the not having a leader in the group. I felt very comfortable without a clear leader in the group. In a sense, I’ve grown tired of being the leader all the time and chose to take a step back from my normal position or way of doing things to truly learn about leadership. I wanted to learn more from others in the group to better understand my leadership style and potential. The consultants were nagging and mostly were interrupting our flow of conversation. A few times they mentioned things that were relevant, but most times were a bit off in their analysis and more harmful than helpful. We had a group of focused people that were not easily frazzled by the consultants which made it more bearable to continue our conversations. I went to sleep feeling bad for Group two as they didn’t have such a good start as we did. But I also enjoyed learning from my group members and truly enjoyed our interactions.

Reflections on my thoughts from Day 1

One the first day we thought that our group was doing great because we opened up very quickly to one another. I realize now that we used both group 1 and 2 as scapegoats for our own need to belong. We struggled immensely with not having an actual task. Our group thought that we had it and was the best. We thought that we would be consultants to the other groups to listen, analyze and respond. We created a process, one that was not at all dealing with our own issues but those of others. I mentioned that I went to sleep feeling bad for group two. I realize now that I was feeling bad about myself and wondered more about the mystic of another group than my own. Also after day one I felt comfortable without a leader, because I thought that I was the leader.

What is amazing is that a day or two later I will be able to project reflections on my thoughts now written in this paper and find correlations as to why I said them. I’ve began the process of learning about myself in a more intimate way and understanding that this is a journey. It is about the journey.

Right now…

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Other students who have experienced a Gemmil course before told me that I’d be this way but you will never understand it unless you experience it yourself. During our last small group session with the consultants I asked whether they learned anything from us. To my amazement they were just as drained as we were while listening and gently guiding the groups.

There is no way to truly capture this feeling. There is no real way to succinctly explain what happened this week. I’m not sure if the feeling will be sustained, but my life has changed from the experience. I’ll never be able to describe the feeling but I’ve thought about drawing it. There may be some way to try to describe it with music. Why am I trying to capture it? I think I want to bottle it up and save it to pour it out for later. I don’t need to though because I can do something each day in my life because there are people around me all the time. I have the capacity to influence, inspire and love whomever I choose. It takes time though. I know that it takes time and I have to find a way to adjust to world to the schedule that will allow me to grow others.

One thing that I will never forget from this course is the reflection of my own thoughts, comments and suggestions to others on my life. Looking back on advice that I gave to others was spot on to areas in my life that I have insecurities. Beyond the course I can envision comments that I’ve made to others at work or even to my wife during a heat discussion, all reflecting on back at me. Are we all self-centered? I don’t believe so, but I do think that it is natural to think of ourselves even though we may be truly seeking to help others. Trying to describe my feelings right now is just so difficult. I suppose that to complete the course it is mandatory and the Dean of Whitman would want some sort of structure around the course but I this paper hasn’t done justice to what I feel.

This course should be a requirement for MBA students at the Whitman School of Management. If this course was taught to every student at in the MBA program in the first or second semester something spectacular would happen. Just as I can’t describe my feelings, projecting the future of possibilities is just impossible. I know that the feeling would spread beyond old Syracuse and beam into the communities in which we all live. The openness would cross country boundaries because many of us travel internationally. The drive and desire to would lead others to greater insights would teem over to businesses, government, and religion. No this is not a dream, but the realities of true future possibilities if more people cared more and shared more.

I’m tired.

What do I want to do?

There are many aspects of my life that I believe need change. Today someone mentioned that we have been equipped with a tool that could be used to further the process of enhancing relationships. I want to use what I’ve learned to help myself. In many ways I have been closed to the world for a long time and it hurts to be that way. I have to learn to be more open and trust in others. This course was not about pouring your emotions out to a group of people you don’t know. It was about self-reflection and providing a means to grow.

I’ve always thought of myself as a leader. In many instances I’ve sought out to be that leader whether I thought I was fit to be simply because others had not stepped up. Justin taught me that I don’t have to be the leader. I don’t have to make a comment. I don’t have to bear the burden. If I don’t say anything, something will happen and it just may be ok without my input. On the other hand Caroline and Bridgett made me realize that what I brought and shared in our group is relevant. In my own way must learn to come back to the middle to create harmony.

I will also go back to work to build more meaningful relationships. My company is built on relationships and I think that some people actually get it; but many others just do not.

More importantly I plan to grow my relationship with my wife, son and other family members. In doing so, my plan is to pay more attention to being me. Who am I? I don’t know. I do know that I will enjoy the journey of learning more about God, myself and others along the way.